Celebrating 15 years of sobriety

[Questor7]

61261680_2893173740723045_4481099947269160960_n.jpg
That big guy on the left is my monkey mind telling me, "Oh come on, you can have just one drink...."
My answer these days is always, " Really? Not now, not ever."

Now I do remember a time when urges seemed like a really big deal. They were no laughing matter. And I white knuckled my way through them as best I could. Or I just gave in, feeling it was all too much to deal with.

In 2005, after recovering from a night of drinking that ended me up in the ER with a broken ankle, I hobbled around on crutches thinking that my life really sucked and the whole world sucked and how was I supposed to get through life without booze, and I was feeling so ashamed of the reason that I was on crutches...and then I bought a Big Book and started reading it and really couldn't see myself going back to AA. After all, I had already done a stint there for 2 years and in the end didn't feel I had changed in any way, not really. I did enjoy the social life and not waking up with hangovers felt good. But, one day, a guy I had started seeing, a "normie" we called people like him, well, he asked me out for a drink. With no hesitation, I accepted the invitation. And then the years just rolled by and I kept drinking until that night when I broke my ankle.

It was only a few days later after that fateful night in 2005 that I googled for alternatives to AA. And Smart came into my life. Thankfully, I didn't feel a moment's hesitation about embarking on a journey that was going to really turn my life upside down for a while. I went to meeting after meeting after meeting. I downloaded everything I could and worked the tools to the best of my ability. And I managed to start living sober and even enjoying my newfound sobriety. I must admit though, at the time, I found it hard to imagine that I would actually stay sober 15 months, let alone 15 years.

And yet, here I am celebrating 15 years, clean and sober. Has it been easy? Hell no. Has it been rewarding? A lot of the time. Fun, yep that too. Terrifying, frustrating, scary, depressing, all of the above. It's been a real mixed bag and sometimes I've wondered how I got through it all. And then I began to understand that I got through it because I chose to get through it.

But I do have a little secret to share. The real reason I didn't pick up again is not because I have a lot of will power nor is it that I'm stronger or better than anyone else. It's actually because when I use my favorite tool called 'Playing The Tape' and see the movie playing of me throwing away all my hard won sober time, I find it so devastating that I feel like I might not ever recover from it. That one tool has kept me sober more times than I can remember.

I just want say that I did not get here alone. There were so many Smarties along the way that encouraged me and some who definitely gave me a kick in the butt when I needed it. There were also the dear friends here who helped me grieve over some of the traumatic events that life unexpectedly brought my way. I don't know where I'd be without all the support you gave me.

So my bottom line is always that I have a choice no matter what life brings on. Living with chronic leukemia during a pandemic is definitely hard to manage. But strangely, there has been a silver lining in it for me. Being closed in for so many months has really brought me face to face with my reality and also caused me to appreciate each breath I take. And I'm grateful that I don't have Covid and that I have a roof over my head, plenty of food on the table, and some really beautiful friendships.

So, that's it. That's my celebration story. And by the way, if you're feeling like it's all too much and you just can't stop your addictive behavior, think again. It's your choice. You really can do it.

Best to all of you
q7

P.S. If you want to hear the recording of my "Playing The Tape" story called a A Not So Perfect High" go to this link: https://smartrecovery.org/a-not-so-perfect-high-2/

[IvannaBSober]

Beautifully written. Congratulations on 15 years!

[Sam29]

I too found your post so inspiring Questor, just as you have been for all the years we have know each other. While choice and self-management is key to our recovery, support from like minded people is priceless.

Love to you always, my friend.

Sam

[jwg54]

You're an amazing advocate for choice. I'm so glad you found Smart and continue to contribute. Congrats on your 15 well earned years,

LOVE & HUGS, James

P.S. Hope you're doing okay with the conditions in Australia right now.

[mh_logic]

So inspiring, Questor! Congrats on 15 years, wow!

[Questor7]

Beautifully written. Congratulations on 15 years!

Thank you for the congrats IvannaBSober. Best to you with your journey of sobriety.

q7

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I too found your post so inspiring Questor, just as you have been for all the years we have know each other. While choice and self-management is key to our recovery, support from like minded people is priceless.

Love to you always, my friend.

Sam

My dear Sam...it is always so precious to hear from you. I hope you are doing during this crazy time we are living in.

Sending love back to you.

Kevagne (q7)

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So inspiring, Questor! Congrats on 15 years, wow!

Hi Mh....Wow is what I said when I woke up the other morning and realized 15 years had gone by and I never got high the whole time. Always good to hear from you.

q7

[LobsterTank]

'And yet, here I am celebrating 15 years, clean and sober. Has it been easy? Hell no. Has it been rewarding? A lot of the time. Fun, yep that too. Terrifying, frustrating, scary, depressing, all of the above. It's been a real mixed bag and sometimes I've wondered how I got through it all. And then I began to understand that I got through it because I chose to get through it.'

We call that LIFE in the Tank.

Super congrats! That is amazing and it is lovely to see your hardwork paying off as this great life you have created amidst your challenges.

Thank you for posting this!

Have a great day or at least a crappy sober one!

[Questor7]

LT, I always love hearing from you. Yes, you're right, it's LIFE in the tank. and you as well, have a great day or least a crappy sober one. That's real and I like the saying.

Best to you

q7

[komoto]

CHOICE...hmmm. Indeed. Questor7 Your post have helped me so very much in the past. Congrats on 15 YEARS,WOW. Hope to hear from you again. Your friend Komoto/ Billy.

[Questor7]

Komoto, your gentle presence always come through in your words. You too have helped me along this path of sobriety.

Best to you Billy.

Kevagne (q7)

[Gordon1]

Poetry

A wonderful journey.

LOVED the recording

[Questor7]

Always good to hear from you Gordon1. Glad you enjoyed the recording. And I really your words, "It was a few little sparks, rather than a flame, that got me here!" Makes me appreciate all the little steps I take to reach my goals.

Best to you

q7

[Joshua1987]

Congratulations.

[Questor7]

You're an amazing advocate for choice. I'm so glad you found Smart and continue to contribute. Congrats on your 15 well earned years,

LOVE & HUGS, James

P.S. Hope you're doing okay with the conditions in Australia right now.

Hi James

I just noticed that I never responded to your comment. Thank you so much for your generous words. I'm also so glad that I still continue to contribute at Smart Recovery. And by the way, I've really gotten a lot out of the workshops you posted, starting with the HOV. Thank you so much for taking the time to do that.

Love and Hugs back to you

q7

P.S. For anyone reading this post, you can find jwg54's workshops at this link: https://www.smartrecovery.org/commun...Workshop-1-HOV

[swiftowl51]

Hi q7

I've only just seen your post here. Congratulations. That's a very inspirational story. Thank you for posting.

Swiftowl

[Questor7]

Hi q7

I've only just seen your post here. Congratulations. That's a very inspirational story. Thank you for posting.

Swiftowl

Thank you so much, swiftowl, for taking the time to read my story. I'm glad you find it inspiring. It's always good to hear from you here at Smart.

Take care

q7