Playing with a Door

[Feathers2Fly]

It's a fire door that separates me from the raging fire of alcohol addiction. We know a few things about raging fires here in Southern California. The SMART tools and my SMART fire fighting friends helped me build a wall around that fire, a fire wall. It's hard to estimate with much certainty, but as they would report on the So. Cal. news, "the fire appears to be fully contained."


Contained isn't out, of course. But with a good SMART wall around that fire, we should be able to prevent it from spewing embers up into the wind, jumping freeways, and setting more neighborhoods on fire. You see, before I found the good fire-fighting tools and the whole SMART fire department, I basically just knew to pray for rain. I had a bag of 12 tools, which I kept throwing on the fire, prayerfully of course, but this didn't work out as well for me as it did for other people. After several years, I decided that the miracle of rain wasn't coming to "restore me to sanity," but that waiting and hoping for a miracle was itself insanity. The drought continued and the Santa Ana winds picked up, fueling the fire, until one day I decided to give a program called SMART a chance.


She is still alive, but trying a new approach was something that I did over my sponsor's dead body, so to speak. It was a brave, rebellious decision, given the fervor of the brainwashing I was rejecting.


Now, after just 30 days, there is a wall around the fire. There is a fire door in the wall, and I'm on the safe side of the door. Often, I walk past the door, notice it, and keep walking. That's what I call a craving. A few times, I had real urges, where I decided (CHOSE) to go diddle with the doorknob, peek inside to see if maybe there'd been rain. Nope. Still burning. Slammed the door shut. And a few times I chose to diddle with the doorknob, stick a hand (just one drink) in the door, and sure enough, the fire wooshed upon me. Those few times were lapses, but lapses with a difference. Now I knew where to find the fire door, and did so quickly, back to the safe side.


My wise fire fighting friends are helping me keep that door secured. Every meeting, every chat, every day reading, all these things keep adding more and more locks to the fire door. It's time to walk away from the door, and throw away the keys forever.


And that is a bold statement. I know I'll notice the door almost everyday. I actually hope I do. I don't want to forget how bad the fire is on the ther side. But UNLESS I SO CHOOSE, I never have to diddle with that doorknob again. Breaking the locks would require a conscious effort, a PLAN, and a good deal of manipulative unhelpful thinking...it's up to me now, not the chance of rain.

I don't want to go there anymore, beyond my fire door. Self-management! That's one key I'll keep. It fits a different door. One that leads to...I'm not sure where. I'm just peeking in right now, but it looks and feels like a really good place.

[LMR555]

Suzc,
Great metaphor. That is so empowering and inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

Lorrie

[fenquat]

Great post and I love the imagery, thanks for a nice read.

[Gentoo]

Love it Suzc!

Gen

[SPG]

Me too. You are a great writer! A new VACI, perhaps?

[JosieGirl]

Suzc, wonderful post, thank you for writing it. And as fen said, the imagery is just fantastic!

[DJSFLA]

This is a magnificent post.

[Eddiejayyy]

Great story suzc

[goldenfireangel]

Suzc- Hi. I haven't met you yet, but being a fellow firefighter, I love the parallelisms you made to the activities of fires. Great job on your success!

[beth88]

Beautiful, Suz! I think you have hit the nail on the head!
What an inspiration you are! <3

[Bobbi_Lee]

Suzc,

Great post. I can totally relate to this!

[othila]

So glad I found this to read, Suz! I have goosebumps. Wonderful story of your success!

[Sagefemme]

Great metaphor for addiction. Congrats on 30 days. Good job.

[chemicaltantrum]

This was wonderful, I totally relate. thank you!

[myalcador]

Wow. Just wow.

You have managed to change my understanding of addiction in one page of text. That is awesomely powerful stuff. You have articulated a past, present, and future in one page! I am truly taken aback. I guarantee that this metaphor could be a large help more many people's lives - many people have difficulty simply defining addiction, but you took that a step further. You made a pact with yourself, and have shown people who really need to see someone take that leap.

I'll be honest, I am a better person for having read this - I am on these forums to learn more about myself, and what you have written will relate to more than just an alcohol addicted soul. Everyone has an unhealthy fire nipping at their heels. It is how you deal with it that matters.

I've been through the door you are facing now. I refer not to the firewall, but to the other. You are indeed right, it is a great place to be, and I hope you stick around with me and the others!

[JudithAnn]

I am just beginning to step into SMART. After being on the other side with AA, I felt something was missing and it wasn't until I began searching SMART that I realized what it was that I needed. And that was to be a part of the solution and not waiting for the rain.

Thanks!

[Lampinen]

Thanx for the great post! Inspirational!

[TheRealMe]

Thank you for this beautifully written post. I'm new here,was considering going to an AA meeting in my town tonight, but stumbled across SMART Recovery online. Still may go to AA tonight, not sure. But this looks like a program that could really help me too. Anyway, as a transplant from Cali to the Midwest (and I really do love it here, after 40 years of brown Cali), your post really hit home with me. can relate to your metaphor. Thank you for that. I've wrestled with alcohol addiction and binge drinking for ten years, and it was triggered by the death of my mother at the time moved here. I'd been sober for about 15 years at the time. Mom died as a result o her mental illness AND her alcoholism. I've finally decided firmly I do NOT want to be like her. I want to live, and become healthy. Today is the first day of the Real Me, the rest of my LIFE. It may be difficult a first, but it will be worthwhile.

[edwardcejka]

Very inspirational post with great content. Thanks for sharing this.

[gluck]

Well done!