New Year Gift

[scubatiki]

I'm going to share a success. I am past 100 days saying goodbye to my addictive behaviors. The day I hit my "crystallization of discontent" I was fat, 265 lbs, no energy, high blood pressure, borderline diabetic and really didn't give a care if I died or not. I was a slave to a couple of addictions and when I wasn't actively engaged in them, I just went through the motions of life. For whatever reason, I have natural intelligence and leadership ability, so I could go through work and get promoted without difficulty...but I never had to try. Ending this was the first time I really tried at something.

The day I stopped was the day my wife left with the kids. I knew I had a problem for years, but never admitted to myself how much. You don't see with clear vision until that epiphany. That day I stopped my addictions...cold turkey...done. I ran on willpower alone for a time...but all the willpower in the world is not enough...you need to change the behavior by changing how you think and perceive the world. You have to think in terms of your true values...my addictive behavior had priority, but was it a value? Hell no. Nobody puts an addiction on their top list of values. Why was it there so long? Because it blinds you from reality.


I found Smart. 12 step would not work for me. I could not relate to 12 step and lie and believe I am powerless. I am not powerless. I control my destiny. Smart let me know that I have that power...and I have embraced the tools it gives me. If you haven't...read the guidebook. Read Powerless No Longer. They are life skills, not just for winning this battle, but to be greater people.


In 100 days, I dropped 50 pounds. I have a better body and energy than ever...high school and college included. I run a few times a week and changed my diet. For the first weeks, I was physically miserable. My addict brain threw fits for me to hit the dopamine button. I did not. It threw fits for sugar and poor diet. I did not. It wanted me to go back to old ways to numb the sadness of my wife and kids being gone. I did not. Why now? Why not when life was worse than ever? Because I finally saw it was not worth it. The costs outweighed benefits. That I need to stop or things can get even worse.


The longer I didn't give in, the more my brain demanded me to...tantrums! Worse and worse...until one day it was not worse. Was this my brain rebalancing? Accepting the dopamine button was gone? I think so. And now the feelings to use and give in pass over me.


Where does it go from here? I don't know...but I know it won't be back into that hell. I feel free now. I never knew what that felt like until now. I will live each moment as fully as I can. I gave myself a great New Years gift. The man in the mirror is free and powerful.

[Alexa1994]

Huge accomplishment ...keep it up!

[shyster]

nice, thank you!

[Quest1]

my addictive behavior had priority, but was it a value? Hell no. Nobody puts an addiction on their top list of values. Why was it there so long? Because it blinds you from reality.

Wow. Absolutely brilliant. As a values driven person, who knows their relationship to alcohol is out of sync, this really articulated something important for me.

Keep up the great work Skubatiki

[AllieRQ]

Inspiring especially to us newbies. Tnks.

[Tessie1975]

I read powerless no longer as well. It was a great eye opener and just what I needed. The fanaticism of FAA was finally too much for me. (Food addicts anonymous). I do smart recovery but I have also benefited from brain over binge workbook and paul mckenna I can make you slim. I love the sharing here and also I have done hov, cba, and other helps.

[RH89]

Thank you for this post. I'm new to SMART Recovery and this is truly inspiring to read. I hope you have continued success and wish you nothing but the best!